btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
