Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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