He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
