You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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