When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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