Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
