I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
