Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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