I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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