In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
