Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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