in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
