did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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