Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
