I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
sex in a hospital.. check
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
ok first of all what the fuck
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
