the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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