oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
