You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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