11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
