Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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