It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize