Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
