did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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