if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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