Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
