Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
