shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize