Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize