i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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