I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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