I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its about making memories worth repressing
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
