This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
