i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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