Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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