i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
did i walk over a car last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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