I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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