just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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