Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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