my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
