I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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