cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
