You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
