I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
