Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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