and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Drunk is not a location!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
