I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
