You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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