Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
