i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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