Will you blow on my dice?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
