oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
