I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
