you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
