In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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