Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
