I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
