I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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