Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
