I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
