I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
