I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize