What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
