his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hippo gnu deer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
