She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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