did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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