yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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