How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
