idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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