Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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