im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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