It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
