reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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