The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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