Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
