The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
