She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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