No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
