I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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