Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
