I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
